The Shadow Self
The fragments of ourselves that live in the shadows
Photo captured by I.am_nah on Unsplash
The shadow is alive inside of us all. It’s a part of our story. Our safety mechanisms. Our inner universe. It lurks within the dark spaces that we usually, don’t dare to widen our horizons to. Its the parts we’ve been tainted to believe aren’t loveable. Aren’t acceptable. Aren’t kind. Aren’t moral. It was born when we were all just children, trying to form our psyches, behaviour and personality to fit with the mould of societies' ideations and our families' normality.
It’s the parts that we struggle to see and feel. The darker side of our being, but not how you may have been led to believe… It’s not dark in a negative or evil sense. The shadow is IN the dark — it merely hasn't had a light cast upon it- fragments of the self which haven’t been integrated. The shadow is the parts which arise when our self-worth has been swallowed, when our righteous boundaries have been trod upon, when we feel embarrassed, rejected, lonely, or misunderstood. The shadow gets activated through our shame, our fears and our emotional suffering. But, that’s not all it is. It’s also all of the enlightened aspects of ourselves that we’ve subdued, oppressed and rejected, unable to give love and nourishment to. This can include our inner gifts, our artistry, the embodiment of self-actualisation and the true essence of our being.
“There is a source of energy within us that contains the seed of awakening. We may hide it from others, though we know that it’s there. Like fire, if ignored or misused, it may burn us, but if harnessed, it can warm us, protect us and revolutionize our life. We call it ‘the shadow’.” — Charlie Morley.
Throughout our lives, unbeknown to the power of our environment, our surroundings, experiences and the people we meet, one by one, we are being conditioned to think and feel a certain way. For the most part, this of course isn’t done in a manipulative, brain-washing sense, it’s all happening on a subconscious level, all of us mirroring what we were once led to believe, and projecting that onto others. In order for us to reach such a level as a species, with such profound social abilities’, we needed to have our very own tribe to support us and offer us a safety net, which now within our current world; has manifested into the importance of re-modelling our teachings and fitting in with our tribe. Depending on our unique cultural and social background, way of living, working, being, succeeding, expressing and all in between, that which we haven’t given attention or light to, forms a differing experience, that may be misunderstood, judged, or bullied even. No matter what experience we had with this, with each blow to our nervous system, our self-awareness, our passions and our self, we sent more and more of our parts into the shadows, vital for the expansion of our self.
“It can be a raw moment of consideration, when we also start to see the effects of our collective shadow too. The universal oppression of the fear shadow — war, environmental destruction, taboos, racism, animal cruelty, abuse and the list goes on. Our personal shadow has an effect on the attention and integration we also give these.”
I won’t be writing much on the collective shadow here- especially as this is something I’m still doing a lot of embodiment around now, but it’s something important to take a mental note of when tending to our inner garden. —( If you’d like to know more about the collective shadow, let me know and I’d be happy to provide a piece on this.)
Becoming whole with our Shadow…
Shadow integration is the deeply healing practice of bringing our unconscious shadow aspects to the conscious mind — to see them, hear them, feel them, love them, sense them, to release the mental space and energy they hold onto, and merging our parts until we can feel more whole in our humanness.
We take back the courage to accept who we are, and the shameful aspect which comes with this, and we embody our shadow. We befriend our anxiety, and we embody our shadow. Any time we love and hear our fear and our sacred rage, we embody our shadow. When we blend with the true call of our passions, the declaration of our spirit, we embody our shadow.
How do I start to hear and encompass my shadow parts?
Trust me, I understand that this can feel like an immense task when we first begin, we all have so many intricate layers that it can be a challenge to determine where to start. So I thought it would be nice to have some musings for your journey to integrating your shadow. This is deep, raw, vulnerable, authentic and sometimes painful work. But it’s also one of the most powerful ways to step into the wholeness of who we are, and take back the energy that has been immersed into our shadow aspects, and find the love that has been wating, hiding amongst it all.
“Stay with it. The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
― Rumi
Here are some practices and resources for you to draw inspiration, understanding and commitment from on your shadow-work journey.
Books:
Dance with your darkness — Ramon Stalenhoef
Shakti Rising — Kavitha M. Chinnaiyan. MD
The Shadow Effect- Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford & Marianne Williamson.
Dreaming through darkness — Charlie Morley
Journal Prompts:
Find a quiet space. Hold centre. Breathe into your body. Feel the sensations arising. Don’t get carried away by the mind, watch.
What is your first memory of shame?
What situations or people trigger your feelings of shame?
What thoughts and feelings do you most often have when you feel shame?
What’s the biggest lie I tell myself consistently?
When have I felt betrayed? What would I say to who/what broke my trust?
When I think about the future, what am I most afraid of?
When was the last time I gave myself forgiveness?
What aspects of your life do you project onto others in a very un-healthy way?
Who hurt me the most, and can I offer them love (inwardly) and forgive them, for myself?
Write a letter to a parent, a friend, someone who you need to express something to. You do not need to send it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just express and visualise them receiving the words.
Meditations:
Witnessing The Lotus (Inner Pieces cover of Due Tramonti) by Charlie Morley (soundcloud.com)
7 Days Left to Live (guided meditation) Music by Inner Pieces by Charlie Morley (soundcloud.com)
Powerful Shadow Work — Guided Meditation | Alex Buta, Insight Timer
The sweet darkness is the way to the light. It’s definitely a journey from unconscious to conscious. Ego to soul. Thank you so much for this Bonnie and for all of the amazing resources! I love those prompts! We all need a shadow coach! 🙏❤️